This may come as a surprise to some, but I work for a living. You’d think after amassing my leagues of zealous followers on Substack I would have started some sort of cult for financial gain, or a harem at the very least. However, I’ve elected not to indulge. Polygamy on that scale is disrespectful to women, and I’d never do the hoes like that.
My work schedule is pretty great all things considered. I used to be closer to London, so would have the odd office day here or there. But now I’ve moved to the other side of the country, I need to do one full week in the office per month. This is a good deal, so I can’t really complain.
Anyway - I’d totally forgotten how much commuting 5 days in a row sucks.
No one on the bus understands me (I never talk to any of them and hate eye contact).
What’s weird is I used to do it all the time! Pre-COVID, it was normal to spend 2 hours on either side of my work day rotting on a train, watching a YouTube video buffer slowly while thinking “Boy, this tunnel is a lot longer than I expected”. I remember in my early working years, I’d make it home with just enough time to eat dinner and have a shower before going to bed. Work was such a dominant part of my life, I’d even have dreams of wandering through the office - presumably because it was the only stimulating material my brain could piece together from my recent memories. This was a normal way to live, and my dad had somehow been doing it for 35 years, but I can’t help but look back and think I was being slowly cooked alive.
I’m rudely reminded of this each month when I microdose my old life. I only have to do it for 1 week and the pains of commuting still wear my patience thin. Now I’ve been spoiled by a much more progressive work schedule, I look at the whole practice and think “How is any of this worth it?”. I’m not a neuroscientist, but I have a sneaking suspicion that long commutes aren’t the optimal way to start your work day. Before you’ve even clicked on that Outlook logo, you’ve been rudely awakened by an alarm sound that undoubtedly makes you panic when you hear it from someone else’s phone in the wild. You then spend all this time putting on presentable clothes, only to sweat them through because you have to run 30 minutes with a laptop on your back to catch the one train that gets you to work on time (you ran for nothing; it’s been cancelled due to signalling failures).
Once you do finally get on, there are no seats available. Of course, you can’t really blame the train companies for this. How could they know that so many people would travel into London between 7am and 9am? They’re not psychic! Unless, of course, you’ve chanced a seat in the empty first-class carriage, in which case the ticket inspectors sense your heartbeat through the spirit realm, and zero in on you like heat-seeking missiles. No, you’ll have to stand with your fellow sardines, pondering if you prefer the smell of the open toilet, or the armpit of the accountant standing next to you. It’s enough to make you cry, but nothing jerks tears like the poor woman who’s spent so much on her Samsung Galaxy she can’t afford a pair of headphones. You listen to her blasting Instagram reels in solidarity.
The good news is, as of right now the train company is private, which means you get all the benefits of the free market! Unhappy with the service? No problem! You can always take your business to a competitor by driving a few counties over and using one of their railways. Alternatively, you can buy a coach ticket and watch your ETA surpass the heat death of the universe. Fiery competition such as this is what keeps your provider on its toes.
Paul, ever the optimist.
There’s a video that went viral a year ago of a young woman being hit with the reality of working life. She cries and essentially makes all the same complaints I do. She wakes up early, works, gets home late, and repeats all week. Then on the weekend she has to squeeze all her life admin in with whatever rest she can before Monday. She wonders aloud how she’s ever supposed to date, socialise, or have hobbies when she has to dedicate 7am - 7pm to work.
Naturally, the video went viral because a lot of older people swooped in with the old “Welcome to the real world!” rhetoric - as if that’s any sort of argument. Replying to her grief with “That’s what work is like!” isn’t even adding anything. That’s just describing the situation?? She knows that’s what work is like! Otherwise she wouldn’t be crying!
I’ll also add, it’s kind of rich hearing this from middle-aged people, as if every film made in the 90’s wasn’t about a disillusioned twenty-something office worker struggling with the meaningless of it all. You can’t make Office Space a cult classic and mock Gen Z crying girl for saying the same thing!
Clearly, Gen X were doing just fine when they started their careers.
The main gripes that I, TikTok girl, and Gen X movies have with the office life isn’t really about work per se. Most of us can handle doing something we don’t like for a significant part of the day, otherwise nothing would ever get done. It’s more the erosion of who you are outside the job that starts to suffocate you. The sense that the person you knew with hobbies, interests, and relationships is being whittled down into someone that exclusively works. That familiar feeling of horror when someone you haven’t seen in a while asks what you’ve been up to, and you can’t even summon one interesting anecdote to reply with (because “I’ve watched one episode of The Sopranos every day for the last two months” doesn’t make for great conversation).
As someone that doesn’t commute much anymore I can say it’s not the job, it’s the damn travel! There’s a reason employee happiness goes up when they’re allowed to work from home. Those 3 weeks without commuting give me time to be an actual person, and not merely an Analyst-bot that occasionally eats, sleeps, and showers. The only reason I even get to write a blog is because I have an employer that has sensible office hours. However, those 5 days of eating breakfast on the train samples the full blown drudgery of the past, and it sucks ass. God knows how anyone endures it still -maybe it’s the Instagram reels.
You're such a good writer - had me in stitches from the first paragraph! Thanks!
Another banger.